Facing Life’s Messy Moments Head-On
When life gets tough, do you find yourself doom-scrolling, binge-watching TV, reaching for food and alcohol, or diving into hours of gaming? I know I am guilty of some of these things—hands up for the bag of cookies.
These quick fixes might help a bit, but they often make things worse, especially the unhelpful ones. Let’s look at how you can handle life’s messy moments head-on with more helpful strategies that won’t leave you feeling rubbish afterwards (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 1999).
First, let me be clear—these choices have their place and can be fun and make you feel good sometimes. The challenges occur when they become unhelpful, and you start to feel bad afterwards or start a cycle of criticising yourself.
We just need to be sure we consciously choose to do these things and not use them to avoid dealing with the hard stuff.
So what are we doing when we grab the… insert your vice here?
We’re avoiding the bad feelings we don’t want to deal with (Hayes, Follette, & Linehan, 2004). Engaging in these behaviours creates an illusion of control over something, even if it’s just momentary (Wegner, 1994).
This avoidance gives us a break from facing reality. Still, it also prevents us from making clear decisions, leading to inaction. Unfortunately, when we choose to do nothing, we still make a choice that keeps us stuck in the same place (Forsyth, Parker, & Finlay, 2003; Marx & Sloan, 2005).
Acceptance, on the other hand, allows us to face these feelings head-on, which is a healthier and more helpful way of coping (Hayes et al., 1999; Alberts et al., 2012).
Why does this even matter?
These habits give short-term relief, but they can cause long-term problems. On the other hand, adopting healthier coping strategies can provide relief and lead to long-term benefits, reducing stress and improving your overall well-being.
Okay… so what do we do instead? The good news is that there are simple, practical techniques you can use to cope with life’s challenges. And you can start using them today.
Think about this: you’re at home, and the doorbell rings; it is a happy friend, and you enjoy their visit. They come back the next day, and you welcome them in. Another day, your annoying neighbour drops by. You shut the door on them, but they keep coming back, to the point where you get anxious just thinking about them. The neighbour is the emotions we don’t like; our bestie is the ones we do.
So, what are some helpful ways to cope?
Practice Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself when you experience difficult emotions.
Understand that it’s natural to have these feelings.
Self-compassion helps in reducing self-criticism and fosters acceptance (Neff, 2003).
Mindful Breathing:
Use mindful breathing techniques to stay present.
Focus on your breath whenever you feel overwhelmed or stressed.
This helps ground you and allows you to observe your emotions calmly (Kabat-Zinn, 1994).
Acceptance Statements:
Incorporate acceptance statements into your daily routine.
When a difficult emotion arises, say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way,” or “Let me feel it.”
This helps you acknowledge and accept your emotions rather than avoid them (Hayes et al., 1999).
Daily Check-In & Journaling:
Set aside a few minutes each day to check in with yourself.
Notice any emotions or thoughts without judgment.
Allow yourself to feel these emotions without trying to change them (Pennebaker & Seagal, 1999)
We all love happy moments and try to avoid tough ones, but struggling with them is okay. Ignoring them often makes them stronger. It’s a normal part of being human, and we all have to get through it the best we can.
References
Baer, R. A. (2003). Mindfulness training as a clinical intervention: A conceptual and empirical review. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 125-143.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. New York: Guilford Press.
Hayes, S. C., Follette, V. M., & Linehan, M. M. (2004). Mindfulness and Acceptance: Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition. New York: Guilford Press.
Forsyth, J. P., Parker, J. D., & Finlay, C. G. (2003). Affective and behavioral consequences of exposure to fearful stimuli. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 34(2), 125-144.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. New York: Hyperion.
Marx, B. P., & Sloan, D. M. (2005). Experiential Avoidance and Psychological Distress in Cancer Patients. Behavior Research and Therapy, 43(4), 557-568.
Wegner, D. M. (1994). Ironic Processes of Mental Control. Psychological Review, 101(1), 34-52.
Alberts, H. J. E. M., et al. (2012). Acceptance-based coping in dealing with negative experiences. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(1), 1-8.
Pennebaker, J. W., & Seagal, J. D. (1999). Forming a story: The health benefits of narrative. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 55(10), 1243-1254.
Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250.
